so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
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This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
worst night to have a conscience
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
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Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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