Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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