what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
