Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize