I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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