Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
