walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize