ugly people sure do ruin things
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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