he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
