I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
soo... how was my night?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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