I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
