Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
