She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
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You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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