my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
