Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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