I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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