I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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