I'm so fucking centered right now
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
