He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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