I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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