Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
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I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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