Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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