masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
