my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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