just come out here and I will go home with you...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
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he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
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Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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