I just threw up on my dentist
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
