If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
