I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
