Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
