remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
