I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
