Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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