I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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