people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
