I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
