So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
