Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I am naked and annoyed.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
