What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
