I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
