I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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