I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
