the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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