I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
