walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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