apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
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I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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