she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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