whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
