Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
