I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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