So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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