if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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