ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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