so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
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I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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