she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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