the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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