A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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