I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
