I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
