At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
so much tequila, so little girl.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
