ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
