You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This girl is more easily done than said...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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