if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
