I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
