I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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