shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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