do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
