What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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