Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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