lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
