My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
