So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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